What have responsible fathers-to-be done to deserve being marginalized by most? Deadbeats chose that lot, not us! Who encourages us? Who offers a helping hand to us? Who consistently checks to see how we are doing? Responsible fathers stand up! Who prays for our wives? We do! Who cares for her when she is nauseated? We do! Who fosters an atmosphere of serenity when all else feels like chaos? We do! Who makes certain her back is supported when she's moving about? We do! Who massages the baby through her skin for both of their comfort without complaint? We do! Who makes sure they are getting the nutrition they need? We do! Who keeps things in order as much as possible? We do! Who keeps calm, because God says so when people ask deadbeat dad type questions of responsible fathers? We do! Who gets to listen to indicting, accusatory questions from folks whom they don't even know about the nursery preparation time-lines when the shoe does NOT fit? We do! Who is invisible at prenatal appointments even though we are present and accounted for? We are! Who gets to wonder why the value of "Father" is scarcely mentioned except when there is a treatise spoken about what happens when the deadbeat is conspicuously absent? We do! I suppose the only thing a responsible father can do in these situations is become the change for which we hope. We should...seek out other fathers/fathers-to-be and be, by God's grace, the change. If we don't, who will? Stand up! Fathers who have even a little experience owe it to larger society to give a hand up to others who follow. Time has long since passed when the majority voice should be of the soft, nurturing mothers, sisters, aunties, grandmothers, female friends, wives, etc. There must be an equal voice of compassion heard from the lips of men who love their wives and children.
Am I mad or a madman, because I have chosen to expect more? Am I mad or a madman, because I thought responsible fatherhood would be a welcomed change to the ignoramus, pushy women who have been done dirty by men in their past? Am I mad or a madman for thinking that maybe, just maybe there would be more support available to those who have chosen to embrace the fact that their wives are pregnant? Am I mad or a madman for hoping that there would be a more visible example of solidarity among men who have travelled the path of fatherhood before us?
It is not idealism that drives this harangue. Oh no! It is utter disbelief. The momentary bout of anger and emotional disequilibrium serves to make me an activist for change. I do not mean political change. Nor do I mean a simple change in other’s thoughts. The change for which I now desperately seek will place more fathers into the home. The change for which I now desperately seek will make women who hate men aware that all are not dogs. The change for which I now desperately seek will empower our young children to grow into responsible participants in society. The change for which I now desperately seek will give voice to men who have been biting their tongues, because when they have attempted to speak they have shushed as though they know nothing of parenting by virtue of their gender. The change for which I now desperately seek will hopefully bring greater unity within family.
For what change do you seek?
yo, l.d. - when you have a minute, let me know how you really feel about this topic...lol! man, you sure have a way with words. :)
ReplyDeleteL.P, YOU are fuhkneee.
ReplyDeleteA nice read...but being that most families are now blended families how does the male fit into a good father, step father and good husband role.
ReplyDeleteTara,
ReplyDeleteThanks much for your input. There is no easy answer to your question. At the root is mothers and fathers being willing to work through the challenges, keeping the lines of communication open. Men should always be welcomed and encouraged by women to fill our role, but never guilted or backseat driven into it. There are a host of great internet articles on the subject. I personally believe that the Bible is brimming with great counsel for parents regardless of circumstance.