Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Way to a Mother’s Heart

You may be familiar with the old adage, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Whether this is really true or not, the belief that it is indeed true has taken on a life all its own. If you don’t believe me, just perform a web search like I did here ( http://www.google.com/search?aq=f&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8&q=the+way+to+a+man's+heart ) and you’ll discover links to romantic cookbooks, youtube videos, and a host of websites that all suggest that if a woman of interest woos a man with great meal experiences he will fall powerless into her arms forever...or at least until he’s hungry again. I have a female “friend” who, to this day will say that she did not attempt to prove this theory early in her relationship.

Many, many years ago, in a land far away, a woman set her affections on a man of interest. Nobody, besides her can be certain how long she was interested, but certainly when her interest swelled to crescendo, her praying girlfriend helped to develop a plan. This plan included inviting the man to her home, cooking a wonderful meal, displaying a beautiful place setting out on her terrace, and an enjoyable time together. And the rest, as they say y’all, is history. They have been happily married for some time now and will live happily ever after. OK, never mind the fact that I left out the many years they knew one another and nurtured a great friendship...and oh yeah, they had a lot in common...and they enjoyed one another’s company...and they both are God-fearing people who trusted Him to orchestrate their lives. It was the meal on that memorable day in history that sealed the deal.

This may be a bit far-fetched to some or may fit your experience exactly. Who knows? But I would like to coin a brand new adage. Here it goes: “The way to a mother’s heart is through her belly (womb).” There you have it. Now, I know I should tread softly here, because you may be among those who take exception with all that will follow. If this is you, please read my post titled, “If the Shoe Don’t Fit, Please Take it Off.” I digress. I believe that if you are a father and want a fool proof way into the warm cockles of your wife’s heart, you must travel through her belly. What do I mean by this? Let me try to explain from a negative perspective. If you want to be on the fast-track to a horrible relationship with the mother of your child, choose not to be attentive to the needs of her child. Yes, I said her child, not because you do not share parental responsibility, but because mothers often have tunnel-vision and focus squarely on the child for a time. Again, I digress. Men often find ourselves in a pickle, because we are less than attentive to the child’s needs. Men often interpret the child’s needs in a very different way than mothers do. I have heard men say that they are working hard to “provide” for their children and by this they mean financially. And when they return from work, they sit in the easy chair and flip channels, occasionally playing with the child until it’s time for bed, and start over the next day. There are varying ways in which unwary fathers provide only financially, but don’t give of their entire selves. Enough of the negative.

I have found that mothers are more apt to be warm toward fathers when we are attentive to the child’s needs. This does not mean that if you have a poor relationship already that mysteriously this will fix it. Nor does it mean that men should be disingenuous and fake interest where there is none in order to trick the mother. Only genuine love and affection counts here. It does mean however, that many mothers are receptive to fathers who invest quality time, recognize when something is wrong, rejoice when there are new accomplishments, make time to listen, are present emotionally and physically, and provide a positive spiritual influence. Fathers may not see the positive effects of this reality, but be patient. There may be times when mothers seem to shut you out. There may be times when you feel like an errand boy, because she gets on a roll with, “Get me this” or “Go and do that” or "Go to the moon and find me this rare moon dust" regardless of the number of ways you are making contribution. There may be times when she does not seem to care about your emotional or physical needs for a season or she seems preoccupied. I assure you that a good relationship can survive this. Fathers must always stay plugged in to our God and stay willing to serve regardless of how we feel. This is our duty. Fathers must also embrace the fact that there is an innate reality within mothers that makes them stellar at nurturing their children. This is to everyone’s benefit. Children are more vulnerable than grown men. Children have a greater need of mommy’s attention at certain junctures of life. Fathers who seek to serve more than to be served...fathers who seek to understand more than to be understood...fathers who seek to join hands with mothers in rocking that blessed cradle, will find peace where there seems to be none. It does not matter how young or old your children are, this principle, if observed with respect, will prove to be of great benefit.

The way to a mother’s heart is indeed through her belly (womb). Quote me...

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